The Birminghamster
For June 7, 2000 - Vol. I No. III published every two weeks



Commissioner Richardson
Commissioner Richardson

State to Get Education Lottery
Montgomery() Governor Don Siegleman unveiled his latest plan for an Education Lottery today and it seems that Birmingham City and Jefferson County schools will be the initial beneficiaries. A new Lottery Commission will sell tickets statewide with patrons able to choose any number between 0.0 and 4.0 for their ticket. This number will be compared to the grade point average of the Birmingham City and Jefferson County school systems every six weeks. Ticket holders with the exact number will receive a sum based on a complex formula combining total lottery ticket sales, total number of correct entries, and other factors. In order to ensure fairness and accountability the governor has removed Ed Richardson from the office of State Superintendent and named him as the new Lottery Commissioner. In this position Richardson is guaranteed a higher salary to start with and the sky as the limit depending on how many tickets are sold. During phase one of the lottery, Birmingham City and Jefferson County schools will receive a bonus for each winning ticket sold. According to Richardson this is like the vendor of a winning lottery ticket getting a bonus for the sale. Future plans call for localizing the lottery to each school system in Alabama. That way people will be able to keep their money in their own schools. It was not immediately clear if a practice similar to "off track betting" would allow residents to buy lottery tickets for school systems out of their area.

Enjoying a Gyro

Gyro Named City's Official Sandwich
City Hall() The Brimingham Mayor and City Council announced a joint resolution today proclaiming the Gyro as Birmingham's official sandwich. This is an apparent response to the massive amount of Grecian Delight consumed in the greater Birmingham area. The mayor and council felt it necessary to communicate our appreciation for the economic impact that the company and all of its affiliates have had on our city. With this proclamation comes the definition of a new "Gyro District" which stretches from 18th Street South along 8th Avenue South to 15th Street South. Only sandwiches purchased from this zone are considered official Birmingham Gyros. This area was felt to represent the best in pita freshness, meat tenderness, and tzatziki sauce goodness. Representative sandwiches tended to be tightly and neatly wrapped providing a secure enclosure for the juicy meat and succulent sauce. Very little overflow and dribbling occurred during consumption of the samples. After the announcement some concern was raised as to whether a Gyro was technically a sandwich. The proclamation was allowed to take effect while further studies are conducted on the sandwichness issue.

Scratched Eagles CD

Two for Tuesday Cuts Playlist in Half
Ishkooda Mtn() Classic Rock station WZRR FM 99.5 must cut its playlist in half every Tuesday. You see that is the day they do "Two for Tuesday," a gimmick designed to entice listeners by promising them two songs in a row by their favorite artists. The only problem is that of the ten bands in Rock 99's on air library, less than five have more than one hit song. DJ Tony Kurre explained the dilemma in a phone conversation during the Free Bird guitar solo. "You know its hard to find the just the classics. The Rock and Roll classics that you all love. You know what I'm saying." Kurre went on to explain that ever since that Eagles Greatest Hits Vol. II got scratched the station has really scrambled to connect the classics. "Basically we just play Skynyrd on Tuesdays." Due to this lack of hits the popular "Three for Thursday" may have to be cancelled entirely.

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